"...It's bad enough we get along so well"

So here is my question for the day:

If a thing is meant to be, will it still work out even if you don't put in your part of the bargain?

O.k., I have not studied like I should have of for the LSAT. Consequently, I am not prepared for the test, and will not do very well on it. Subsequently, I am sick to my stomach and really upset with myself and my laziness. So. As long as I can get through it, it will be over, and I can get on to the next thing.

So, tonight Travis and I got to be managers at work, and I will admit, it was a lot of fun. I came to the store in a pretty bad mood, and after about an hour there, I was cheerful and happy to be at work. This was due to the wonderful staff on tonight, and my partner in crime/ my co-MOD/ the ever-impressive/delightful/hotter-than-Sylar Travis Jay. (This sucking up may be a response to my lingering embarrassment from the car incident yesterday!!)

Well, good night, and I hope all of you have the weekend that you have been dreaming of. I know I will not.
Here's to an awesome Sunday!!!

Mine was crazy...thanks for asking

What a day.

For those of you who have not heard yet (and for the staggering amount of people who read this), my dear Mary was in the hospital today, and just had her gall bladder (or the g.b. as Jess would fondly reminisce) taken out this evening.

It all started when she woke me up at 5:00am in excruciating pain, and I took her into Emergency. She was admitted within 20 minutes, and then...we both waited there for 5 hours. Mary in the Emergency room, and me out in the waiting room. Highlights included apple juice from the vending machine, old creepy guy who kept trying to get me to sit next to him ("Are you sure you don't want to sit here?"), the lady with a head wound, falling asleep on the really uncomfortable chairs, and getting into trouble for using my cell phone back in the ER. Luckily Mary is doing pretty well (we went and saw her tonight) and I am going to pick her up tomorrow. Oh, yeah. My other favorite part of the day was when I went to take Mary's car home, and it wouldn't start. Now, I know literally nothing about cars, so I started calling people who might be able to help. I called an assortment of people who were either not home or unable to help. So, fueled by no sleep, desperation, and worry about Mary, I was in tears by the time I called the ever-reliable Travis. I didn't want to call him because he already has his hands full with driving me around the city and taking care of the whole world, but like I said, there was definite desperation!! The best part of this story comes when literally seconds before Travis arrived, the car started. To Travis: words can not express my gratitude for coming to my (imaginary) rescue, my embarrassment about my panic and stupidness regarding automobiles, and my deepest apologies for making you waste your time.

As Denise and I pondered on the craziness of this day; the day that apparently Satan approved, we discussed a question. Do all girls have a JTW? If this reference is lost on you, I will tell you that it is the guy who you met, had a real connection with, and then who walked out of your life leaving you to wonder if you had just imagined him. (Note: If said person is witnessed by three roommates...he still may not exist!!) Flick had hers, Denise had her Carson Daly, and I had one once upon a time.

So what are the requirements for the JTW?
1. He must be unavailable in some real way. Examples? Either he is forbidden from dating, or he is moving in 3 weeks, or he is completely unschooled in the ways of dating/too young.

2. There is a definite connection between you two. The conversation flows, the similarities are legion, and/or there is a shared love of common t.v. shows/movies.

3. He moves away.

I think all girls have such an anomaly, and I think we are haunted for a good part of out lives by these men who seem too good to be true.

I think this will be the only post for the week, at least until Saturday when I write the LSAT. I will freely admit here that I am absolutely scared to death, and will be so grateful to have it over with, no matter how well or poorly I do.

"Say a prayer for me tonight"

I'm probably out of chances anyway...

Question:

When did I become the craziest person on earth? Seriously, lately I can actually see myself acting irrationally or really mean to someone - like I am out of my body watching myself and screaming "Stop being so crazy", but the irrational/uber-sensitive/cruel Jenny just isn't listening. She is just too crazy...she is suddenly even referring to herself in the third person and I am powerless to stop her...

So. If you have been on the receiving end of said nuttiness, please allow me to apologize and say that it is probably just hormonal (I know, it is no excuse!) and that I will do my best to get myself under control.

Really.

"But I don't know who would do the dishes, cause I'd be lying wasted in the road"

"And if the ancient wisdom came in bottles
I would show my terror where to go..."

-Sarah Slean

In an effort to create the greatest year in review c.d. this Christmas, I have been revisiting old music, introducing myself to new material, pirating from Jess and Adam's collection, and trying to pin down the perfect songs for 2007. In some ways it is really easy - finding the songs I love is never hard. Here are some of the bonuses:

1. Finding a song that personifies/expresses/exploits an emotion or experience I had. You know how it is...you are listening to a song and suddenly the lyrics just punch you in the throat. Hello! How did that artist see inside my head? This has happened to me a lot this year right from "So Unsexy" all the way to the new favorite "False Alarm" by James Murdoch. (wait for this one on the cd) I think I may be a person who lets myself become a little too involved in music (also the person who has to read poetry only occasionally due to the emotional craziness that ensues...) and can be easily swayed by the emotions of the song. But, this has also allowed me many great cathartic experiences when talking about personal drama just wasn't a possibility.

2. Sharing my music with those I love. O.k., I know that most people lost or misplaced my cd last year, (I know, I know, it was taken) but here's hoping that if you get a copy, you will at least give it one listen through. Indulge me. My music may be foreign or "interesting" to you, but it reflects a part of me, and I know most of you think I'm somewhat o.k. Come on - embrace the world of the female singer-songwriter...

There are a few complications, however.

1. Narrowing it down. There are so many amazing songs that explore the emotional roller-coaster that was 2007. It is hard to find the perfect balance to reflect everything. So, I will try not to make it a double discer. Really. Maybe I will also post a list of all the runners-up.

2. The problem with such an endeavor is the emotions which are laid bare. Just out there. For everyone who has any kind of analysis ability or knowledge of my experiences (and weaknesses) to see. And...hopefully not exploit.
"I have spread my dreams under you feet
Tread softly-
because you tread on my dreams" - Yeats

So, it will be fun, scary, thought-provoking, and, of course, a joy.

Anyway, the weekend is looking like it is shaping up to be a great time. Can't wait to:

meet the new guy
see the Christmas tree lit up (perfect start to my favorite holiday!)
spend time with my favorite Calgarian
enjoy "Chapters celebrates Kids" - should be a...time
read my new Buffy graphic novel) Don't judge me!
have dinner with Cam, Greg, and Erika

Hope you all have a wonderful couple of days...

Am I my biggest fan?

O.k., I have a question on this fine, brisk and beautiful November day. The question is: Am I pretentious?

I know that I occasionally make fun of people, sometimes think my musical taste is a bit superior to others', throw around big words when I can (and sometimes without realizing it - much to my embarrassment when people laugh at me), and once in a while have some adult conversations with like-minded people.

However, I don't think that I beat people over the head with my average intelligence and occasional flash of humour. Sure, I enjoy writing, (and my friends say I'm moderately talented) but I would never go around telling people I'm awesome at it. Or even, that I'm awesome in general. I hope that I conduct myself with some amount of modesty.

Dear (and most generous) readers, please let me know what you think about me and my opinion of myself.

Things have been really good lately (besides my daily panic attacks about the LSAT) and here are some of the highlights: Amazing trip to Edmonton, fun chats on Facebook with people I don't usually talk to, more background on the confession of a crush story, events coordinating at work, birthday celebrations with friends and one heck of a good waiter (so attentive), signing up at the Y to take some great fitness classes, and almost Telethon time!! Texas Brownies!!

Tomorrow I make my radio debut, as I pre-recorded my session for "Gay in L.A." today. It actually went very well, and our conversation was quite natural. Thanks to Andrew for making me feel comfortable and for giving me the opportunity to be a star!! I'm sure there will be just scads of people listening. But, you gotta start somewhere, right?

Good Night and Good Luck.

Top Night in progress

I hate going to work after a prolonged absence. The day is so ridiculously long, you always find a thousand things to catch up on, and a plethora of new issues/problems/events have risen while you were gone. Oh, Chapters...I still love you...And nothing makes the day go quicker than visits from other bored employees.

So, FHE was a lot of fun. I was excited to see the Blands' house for the first time ever. If ever there was such a thing as a Victorian explosion...it is personified in this house. Lamps, curlicues, antimacassars, stairways, Knick-knacks, tiny rooms, train sets, crown molding, etc. Wow. I felt like I had fallen asleep and woken up in an Anne Perry novel. Raking leaves with the ward was a lot of fun, as well as holding court in the kitchen with Denise was pretty great. I can't help it if we are the awesomest girls in the ward. Doggone it, people like us.

Anyway, this is pretty quick. I am off pretty soon for some serious birthday partying with the ladies right away.

Enjoy your evening, stay out of the wind, and try not to get rear-ended...it happens. Especially in Calgary.

There is always time for new shoes on Monday...

Hello again to everyone from the capital city of Alberta (and secretly...the capital city of my heart). Hope you are all enjoyng your Sunday, and that you are much more on the ball than me. I may or may not have left the city without anything set for Relief Society. The Bishop did ask me not to "check out early", so I am very sorry to all of my ladies, especially Heather. I promise I will do better this week.

I have had a wonderful time here which has included (in no particular order) shopping at Old Navy (new coat! new coat!), eating ice cream at the Marble Slab, pizza, hanging out with Sam-bois, Arrested Development (I need them back now...along with my dignity, Thank-you!), the Wii (hello, Tennis elbow!), finding out stories about your sister no human being should ever know about (my ears and Sears will never be the same), missed episodes of "The Office", sleeping on the air mattress, and successfully dodging whiplash (take that, Calgary!!), and a new purse (at least I didn't buy shoes, Braden). Tonight I venture to the far south of the city to stay with the other bois.

Today I also went to the YSA with one Sarah Fleming. It was fun to be back in the Whyte Ave chapel and so much fun to be with Sarah again. Sarah, I miss you and your laughter. I promise that next time I come to Edmonton, I will only visit you!!

I hope everyone has an incredible week-day eve...please, if you meet together, and you play a round of Apples to Apples, put in a Pavarotti or a Helen Keller for me.

Thanks!!

"They say it like they mean it"

I am a car accident virgin no more...Tonight, in Satan's very city (That's Calgary for all of you non-Edmontonians) we were rear-ended whilst riding with the ever cautious Ben Richards!! Actually, Ben's driving had no bearing on this freakish event. We were at a standstill in the traffic, and I was turned in my seat talking to Ginger when we were hit from behind. Ginger is pretty sure we are going to have whiplash, and my neck is already stiffening up. Here's to hoping that we are not ridiculously sore by Sunday....as is being predicted. Kill me.

Other than that, and the s-l-o-w-l-y moving traffic on the highway which may or may not have driven Ben to absolute distraction, we arrived in Edmonton relatively unscathed. We even (shock and disbelief) had a pretty fun time riding up together.

So, I think the real question of the night is why am I staying up so late? Those of you who know me know that I tend to fade after about 10:30pm. Actually, I am checking out the awesome radio show belonging to one Eric and Garth. So far, gentlemen, I am duly impressed, extremely entertained, enjoying the music, and wishing I could see the matching tees. Hello, welcome to the world of Denise and Jenny and matching "tops"! On the note of radio shows, I am soon to be a guest on another CKXU show, which I have found out is called "Gay in L.A." I am going to be giving a bookseller's perspective on the whole Dumbledore issue. Are customers talking? Not that I've heard. Are sales going down? Absolutely not. Apparently people just don't care. O.k., J.K., stop trying to make the hype last forever. It's just sad, now.

Anyway, I am sure that all of you are tired of hearing from me so many times today, so I think I'll go back to some facebook creeping. I just might be looking at your pictures, imagining myself in them and the fantastic conversations we're having...

Sleep well. I'll be on the air mattress...and loving it.

"She's not a girl who misses much..."

Over the last couple of days I have been the most bipolar person alive. I have gone from absolutely devastated to barely scraping by to freak-attack to pretty much o.k. Now that I am o.k., and realizing that it will not be the worst thing in the world to let go of some things, I feel a bit levelled out and ready to face the days ahead. So, good. No more Junior High nights.

While I am somewhat better, a question has been plaguing me for the last week, and although it is selfish, I am compelled to ask it. "Why do some people seem to get what/who they want, and others (i.e. me) don't?" I know there are a lot of answers to this question, including things I can do, etc. However, sometimes I have to wallow for at least a few days, and so I did that this week. I am sorry to all of the casualties of said pity-party. Jess, I think you got the brunt and I am sorry.

In happier news, I am off to Edmonton in a few hours where I will spend time with the bois, hopefully buy a new coat, eat some great food, and say hello to the city that I love!! For all of you here, have a great weekend. Please do not sit at home and be sad. Do something unexpected that will change you, even if by only a little bit. Remember...confession is good for the soul. It is, after all, how I found out that I am not completely undesirable to all.

Good Luck. God Speed. Remember I love you, even if no one else does.

"I'm not here to be your hero, I'm not here to keep you from the flames..."

"...Like your emergency exit"

It's Telethon time!!

This means musical numbers, Texas Brownies, time spent with Mom and Dad (and sometimes Cam), funny reunions with random High School people, getting to be a t.v. star (although, now that I've been on Global...wait for it...twice, maybe I 'm too good for Cardston local channel), and did I mention Texas Brownies. For all of you novices out there, the texas brownie is the most exquisite of all the brownies, and is a staple of the Cardston Telethon participants refreshments, made by my mom. Any of you who are wanting to come and hang out for this event are ABSOLUTELY invited.

On this note, I have been given an "Absolutely" quota. It is my new favorite word (ask any global news viewers), and I use it a tad excessively. I love this word because it is so strong and reassuring. When you ask someone a question, and the answer is "Absolutely!", don't you just feel comforted and warm inside? Don't you know that everything is going to be o.k.? Absolutely! Oops! I better stop before I reach my quota...

So, yesterday was not the best of days at work. People were just downright mean and cranky, and in the case of one guy, a bit frightening and possibly dangerous. The day was also not awesome because in the analogy used in "The Holiday", I was not the Leading Lady of my own life, but definitely "Best Friend" material. Again, I got so worried about making sure that everyone else was getting the thing they wanted, that I sabotaged my own possibilities. Not that there was any possibility anyway-it is me after all. And that is not to say that I only think of others and not myself. I am as selfish as any YSA member in Lethbridge has a right to be. But, maybe people can take care of themselves, and maybe if they don't go after the thing they want, then the missed opportunity is their own fault, and not mine, just because I may know both sides of a situation. I am not responsible for anyone else's happiness but my own. Okay, sorry for the cryptic story here - I just needed to get it out and hopefully move ahead.

At least there is a new day ahead! A night shift with the Jenny and Penny show, and of course, a rehash with the ever-understanding Emily M. Yesterday we got started on getting MyBooks somewhat under control - at least there are not 50,000 boxes everywhere. With the trifecta of awesome in there tonight, it should just about come together!!

Great day, everyone. It can only get better from here. Remember what a wise young man once told me: Confession is good for the soul!

"November's a special time of year...and I'll tell you why

So, funny story.

My phone is not as awesome as I previously imagined it to be; nor is it as reliable as I had anticipated. I set my alarm last night (or, in the wee hours of this morning) for 8:30, trusting that it would reset itself for the daylight savings time (Oh, an extra hour of sleep!!) So, my alarm goes off, I get up and start to do somethings and realize pretty soon that it is actually 7:30. Kill me!! At this point, I am already up and working on RS stuff (and really, still not feeling good at all), and so I know I will not be able to sleep again. So, I just called my parents to complain. It's nice to get sympathy for even the most trivial matters!

Well, I am exceptionally glad that this weekend is almost over, because I am about Chaptersed out. Our Local Author Event (yes, that is the name... I know it is boring, but I refused to go with "Authorpalooza") took place yesterday, and what a "-palooza" it was! It all started when the authors started coming an hour before the time I had asked them to. (Oh, are you shocked we're not quite ready for you?) Then, they all had questions. Then, the customers started coming. Most people were there for a specific book, and when we had some "technical difficulties" in getting that particular title on the system, I had to stand with the books (while the author did an interview for CFCN) and ask people not to take them anywhere while at least 15 people stared at me with hatred in their eyes, murder in their hearts, and whines on their lips. ("But that lady got to take one!") As they pressed closer and closer, increasing in numbers, voices rising in demand, I stood like a rock. No one was getting these books before we were ready to sell them. Thank heavens, it was only actually about 5 minutes...although it felt like 30. "A free-for-all with Martial Law" - thanks, Flick! It is my favorite thing when adults act like children because they can not get what they want. (Alright...pot, kettle, I know)

The Authors themselves were pretty crazy. One tracked me down to let me know every time she sold a book. She also hugged me twice, and then handed me a paper with her scheduled book signings and yelled "You've been Daisied!" Her book is about a daisy who wants to fly. Another one, after I showed him the ridiculous amount of food we had purchased for them, said, "Where's the coffee?"

Anyway, it went off very well (or so I'm told...I left early so I could come back for my split shift at 6:30 pm), and I am so glad its over. At least I got to be interviewed twice for Global news and once for the Herald. The term Events Coordinator was thrown around so much that even if it is a made-up position at the store, I am completely validated!!! Business cards can't be far behind!!

Well, it looks like it actually is 8:30 now, so I will officially start my day. Blogging is so much funner than sleeping anyway.