I don't hate you...I just really don't like you. And you're terrible.

Here is some food for thought...although a little vindictive, perfect for a "we didn't date, but we sure broke up...

Enjoy!!

Permanently Lonely
Don't be concerned it's time I learned
That those who play with fire get burned
But I'll be alright in a little while
But you'll be permanently lonely
Don't be too quick to pity me
Don't salve my heart with sympathy
Cause I'll be alright in a little while
But you'll be permanently lonely
The world looks on with wonder
And pity at your kind
Cause it knows that the future
Is not very pretty for your kind for your kind
Will always be runnin' and wonderin'
What's happened to hearts that you've broken
And left all alone
But we'll be alright in a little while
But you'll be permanently lonely
Runnin' lonely

-Willie Nelson

...you can't take the emo out of the girl

Hello and hooray for Poetry Day!!

My confused and skewered emotional state can only be helped by the words of Shakespeare, and one of my very favorite sonnets by the man himself. There is a distinct possibility that poetry may send me even further over the edge, but we'll stay away from the Edna St. Vincent Millay and the Theodore Roethke just in case...

Here is a sonnet that makes my heart happy, and I hope will brighten your days a little as well. Rufus Wainwright wrote an incredible musical setting for the words, and if you get the chance to hear it (I have it, come find me), do. You will not be sorry. I think I love it mostly for his incredibly gentle use of the banjo in the instrumentation. I know it sounds weird but it works. Just ask Sufjan Stevens.

However, I digress. With this post I also include a link to a news story that covers our Midnight Masquerade. If you would like to see the costumes, the masks, the quivering girls and me at 12:30, looking sweaty and kind of crazy, then you will want to check it out.

http://www.citytv.com/calgary/yourcity_60185.aspx

Sonnet 29

When in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
And trouble deaf Heaven with my bootless cries,
And look upon myself, and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featur'd like him, like him with friends possess'd,
Desiring this man's art, and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least:
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee,--and then my state
(Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth) sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

-William Shakespeare

Mid-life crisis...already?

So, if you read Denise's blog, you will know that she and I ventured out to the "pool" last night in search of cool-down. Can I just say...Open Swim at Stan Siwick is an experience not to be missed. There were a ton of people there, mostly kids, and so there wasn't a lot of moving around. There were two guys, one not bad and the other completely hideous, who were giving me and Denise the eye. They were both on some sort of flotation device, and they kept steering it closer towards us. They were also engaging in much horseplay on said floater, which I am sure they thought made them look athletic and strong, but really just made them look pretty gay. There was also an Olympic wannabe who was doing some pretty crazy dives. When he surfaced, he did a butterfly stroke so vigorous that everyone within 10 feet of him was choking on the waves he created. We also got to watch the kids go on the ball, and I was reminded of when I was little. We used to swim in the Pincher Creek Pool and swing off the rope. It was so wonderful to just be in the water last night, and I was so much cooler after. I really do not enjoy the heat. At all.

So, I have finished one week and two days of the new job...and...I am still in two minds about it. I didn't realize it would be so much one on one with students with disabilities, and so there has been a lot of sitting around, taxiing people, riding on parade floats, and trying to find things to do. I feel like I am not doing a lot, and I am getting pretty bored. I know it will pick up in September, but even then, I am not sure it is what I want to do. So...do I hang on for a year just for the money, but setting myself back in finding a job I love, Or do I quit in the next 3 months and continue the job search? Or, continue the job search right now? I should probably give it more than just a week, but I really didn't want to work one on one with people with disabilities again.

Argh. I say again: ARGH. (much more vehemently this time)

Well, it is time for "Story of the Day" (no song accompanies this title) My story takes place at the infamous Whoop-Up Days parade. For all of you who are new to Jenny, it is the site of the incident that turned me off parades forever. This year, I got the chance to ride the Exhibition grounds float/horse-drawn trolley, and it did not suck too much. I did not wave to anyone, I hid my face whenever I spied someone on the sidelines that I knew, and I did not get off the ride. Do I love parades now? No. Will I ever go to a Raymond/Magrath/ Cardston parade while still single and poor? No. Will I grudgingly admit that it is not so much the parade itself, but my own issues and inability to forget my harrowing trying-to-get-back-on-the-float-experience that is tainting my view of parades in general? Absolutely.

Everyone enjoy your Whoop-Up days. If you see me at the Fair grounds, please don't let me eat too many mini donuts.

Good night and Good luck!

Advice for the new job, anyone?

"It's all about hiding the crazy, and acting like the most confident girl in the room."

-Carla, "Scrubs"

So it's official...I have become a shut-in. It was a lofty goal, I know, and it has been a lot of work, but it has been a labour of love. I would like to thank all those who have gotten me here. In no particular order: Veronica Mars, Ugly Betty, all the folks from "Bones", and of course, all the crazy Scrubs-wearing friends from Sacred Heart. I couldn't have become a complete recluse without any of them. I think someone else's life is just so much more interesting than mine...and with any luck, all those characters will be my "real" friends any day now. Really...just one more episode should do it, and Logan Echolls will be mine!!

There has been a by-product of all this t.v. binging, and it is that the drama is starting to get to me. Specifically, the lack of it in my own life. Now, this is not a bad thing, but I find myself looking for crimes in Lethbridge anywhere I can. For instance...what would Veronica count as the best course of action for discovering who is stealing stuff from Denise's car every month? Should I have a good old fashioned stake-out, or concoct some complicated scheme to trap the perp?
Actually, I don't try to find the outside drama, as much as try to create some in my own life...which we all know is never a smart thing to do. Mostly, because my life is completely drama/scandal/romance free, and anything I might try to create will be just that...a creation.
So, I will cut back on the t.v. consumption, and try to remember what real people are like.

Sigh... I'm bored already.

Well, I am just finishing up my last full time week at Chapters, and it is extremely confusing. I have been there for 2 years, given my heart and a lot of sweat to making it the place it is today. I love the people there, they have been like my family. On the flip-side, I am starting a new challenge, I will have more money, and I am leaving some of my problems behind. Maybe the real problem is moving from a big fish in the small pond to...oh, you know the rest. Change is always such a dichotomy.

So, this weekend is already shaping up to be a great one. We first have a fashion Saturday, and then that evening, I am going to a party at the house of a friend from work. On Sunday, Gabe, Beckham, and I are heading out to church in Magrath and then we are having dinner with Mom, Dad, Mark, Steven, and Ben (who are staying with them while Andrea and Chris are in San Fransisco...lucky!!), Jess, Adam, Sam, and Erika. Proves to be loud, crazy, and definitely enjoyable.

Now, I know it isn't Thursday...but I will leave you with a little poem. This is one I wrote my first year of University, and I think the sentiments really apply for my current situation. If I have already posted it before, I apologize.

Hearing your Favorite Songs and other good omens

A familiar melody begins-
it plays somewhere
inside your veins
and you walk in time to it
'cause it's your time

It's always been with you
Maybe someone heard inside your head
and wrote the song
Your song-
yours and no other's

Something is possible-
The room is brighter and
you are more beautiful.

The world is suddenly navigated
and you find you're a map reader

-JKO, 2002

300 teenages...what could be better?

Everyone is better at computers than me.

I was just "chatting" with a friend on the facebook chat, and for every 3 sentences/questions he would write, I would do one. Mine would also be caps- lock cRAZy, and I couldn't even think of anything funny to write. Being a Luddite, I have only "chatted" about 3 times in my life, and that is mostly because I am a terrible typer. While I am a very fast speaker (really, I'm not kidding!), my fingers are truly retarded. I will just have to start making sure I am always off line, so I will not embarrass myself technologically...

So, I really should be going to bed because I do work early tomorrow, but I felt the need to tell about the Midnight Masquerade. It went absolutely, ridiculously well. We had about 350 people there, and most of those people dressed up. The dresses and the masks were amazing. There were prom dresses, Vintage dresses, medieval costumes, Gothic dresses, and a couple of pretty slutty party dresses.(I saw more cleavage than I ever wanted to....) Because of our sign-up table, it got pretty backed up coming in to the store, and so there was a really long line to get in. I asked the people in line if it felt like they were line for a club...

Our different stations went very well Our mask=making was the most popular by far, with a huge line-up all night. Our Discussion groups were moderately successful. The dance was a lot of fun, and I was so pleases that we were able to hold it outside. With our lights on the railing, it looked so cool! I danced a few songs with a really enthusiastic group of girls, and by the time we ended the dance, there were quite a few participants. I don't think any of the other stores had a dance outside, and so just another reason why we are so much better in Lethbridge. Our purchase line -up, though long, went relatively quickly. I got the great job of passing out the books so the people could buy them, and it was so fun to see how excited they were.

The best part of the evening was...my hair!! I got an up do at Chatters! I felt like such a princess, which was so fun. Unfortunately, I only got pictures of the back of my head, and a couple of side shots at the party that were so horrendous, I demanded they be deleted immediately. Of course, they were not, so they are out there. In the cosmos. Double chin and all. There are no good candid shots of me anywhere. ever.

So, it is over, and I am both relieved and disappointed. It feels like Christmas, in that you prepare and prepare, anticipate and wait for, and then it is over in a day. It is also pretty sad that it is the last big event I will do for Chapters. That is definitely one part of the job I will be sad to relinquish.

Goodnight, one and all. I hope you are all smarter than me and getting more than 5 hours of sleep!