So I bought a present for someone, and then never gave it to him/her. Not for any sinister reason, just didn't see this person before I went home for Christmas. That really is an irrelevant detail, but a quasi-amusing introduction to today's post. The present was a book (Ah! how original! I am a literary peddlar and I was going to give a book for Christmas) called "The Little Book of Crap Advice" (It was a mini-book, but the "New Bigger Edition", so there!) So now that this officially a Christmas present to me (yay), I feel no guilt reading it, and will even share some of my favorite parts.
"Remember, fat people are harder to kidnap"
"The best way to a man's heart is to saw his chest open"
"Attack by a buzzard: Get a hobby! Buzzards are only attracted to dead meat."
"Remember the nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people"
"If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague"
"Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak"
"Fool people into thinking you are enlightened by smiling enigmatically whenever anyone punches you in the face"
And, now here is some advice from me. Crap or not, it would be well for all if taken seriously.
When I am in the bathroom at work and in the stall, (o.k., this mostly applies to the female population of Lethbridge, although I have had to see men in that bathroom peeing with the stall door open more than I care to) please, please, please do not ask me if we have a certain book in stock, even if I am wearing my vest at the time. This displeases me for the following reasons:
1. I'm going to the bathroom. yeah.
2. I do not have a secret computer in the stall. That would be gross, and if discovered, would probably be used for less than scrupulous means...
3. I know you really need help, and I know I'm probably just being greedy, but I consider that 90 seconds my time away from you.
4. Talking to a complete stranger while peeing is slightly awkward.
Did this happen? yes. Was it creepy? yes. Did this customer ask me later if I knew anyone who needed a massage therapist? yes. Did I volunteer myself? ...
Anyway, I am home sick again from work today. I was going to go, but I apparently looked and sounded so bad last night, that my boss rearranged schedules so I could stay home. It was probably a good thing because last night when I couldn't find a book that we apparently had 3 copies of, I nearly broke down crying. Anyway, I watched a movie today that I forgot how much I love. "Melinda and Melinda". I enjoyed it again immensely. The cast is fantastic, the writing great (It's a Woody Allen, one of the only ones I've seen)and Will Ferrell is absolutely delightful in it. Everyone should watch this movie.
Hope to be feeling better tomorrow!!
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