So last night was the much-anticipated, somewhat feared, and definitely long-worked for 2007 Year in review c.d. exchange...and all in all, was pretty much a success. We had about 12 people here...and almost as many c.d.s. It was an eclectic group, with family, friends, frenemies, old loves, new friends, and a plethora of musical tastes.
I, of course, had a mini minor melt-down...but let me say, I feel it was justified for the following reasons. Wait, let's give the story first for the readers who were not there...so, Adam and Jess. Everyone was playing their favorite songs from the c.d., and they were being received well. Then I got up and put on "One Man Guy" by Rufus. Immediately, some of the people there started questioning the title, disparaging Rufus, and just generally making fun of my choice. So, I said that nobody got to listen to the song...in other words, the spirit of the moment was gone...and I put on a different song while everyone half-heartedly said "Jenny, No." Now I know it was all in jest, but once again, I feel my (very very) minor flare-up was justified because:
1. Just because Rufus is gay does not mean that every song is about sex with men. So, stop looking for homosexual references in the title. Give the song a chance. Everyone else got a listen through.
2. I love this song. I feel like Rufus infuses it with a great deal of urgency, and sings it with the kind of emoti0n and care that only someone who is singing a song their parents sang/loved can. BTW, his dad wrote the song. So, I felt like when your judging my favorite song, you are hurting me a little. O.k., I know that is a bit irrational, and I know I am acting like a girl, but indulge me a bit because
3. I just had a life-changing day yesterday. I made a huge decision, and am saying good-bye to a phase of my life that lasted 12 years. A phase I gave everything to. I am a little on edge, and scared to death of the future. One where I have to be alone in church...a place where I have always felt so safe and comfortable, and have had someone to give the elbow to in Sunday School. So, I am sorry I freaked out a little, but I'm a little confused right now.
4. I put my heart and soul into this c.d. I know that some may have just found their favorite songs, and I will be the first to admit that I did that last year, but I spent literally months putting this project together. Picking and discarding music since about October, trying to make the playlist work since the beginning of December, planning the title and cover, putting a poem that I wrote on the cover, i.e. exposing a bit of myself I usually keep pretty hidden, and at the last minute finding I couldn't get some of the songs, and so having to re-work it again (although, I think I am even more pleased with the result!!) was an absolute labor of love. It is also a very revealing cd, because each song reflects my emotions regarding some of my experiences this last year. So, I know you were all just joking around, but it felt like you were stepping on my heart, just a little.
O.k., that was a little overly-dramatic, but just because I am 30, and going to try to become an adult, doesn't mean I can keep it up all the time. Besides, I have been reading poetry lately, and you all know what that does to me...
"I have spread my dreams under your feet-
Tread softly, because you tread on my dreams." Yeats
Anyway, I hope you all know I still love you all, and know you will give my c.d. a try. I can not wait to listen to everyone's creations. I am listening to my first one this morning, and it is both affirming of what I know about this person, yet also surprising in what it reveals about him/her.
Thanks to Denise for creating the group and bringing us all together.
Sorry about the rant-but if you can't do it here...
Please don't give up on me now - tomorrow will be a much better post.
jko
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